You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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