just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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