You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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