im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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