I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
