Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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