I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
