proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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