My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
