When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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