Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
