She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
