Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
