You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
