Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
