You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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