Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
