I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
