By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
