that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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