So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
NoShamevember. You game?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
