i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
