I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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