She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
