i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
