"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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