OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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