it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize