yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
