do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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