I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
