Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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