Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
