The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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