I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just google imaged poop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
