He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
