My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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