this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
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i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
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It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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