its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
