My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
