is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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