I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
