dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks