walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.