I bet he comes in French.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
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I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid