i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
either way he was missing a nipple.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.