I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
