Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
