you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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