Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
