Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
