Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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