What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
