and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize