spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
