At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
