my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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