I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
