you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
