Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
