Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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