Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
