It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
