YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
